Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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