Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
