i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize