When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
