): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
