This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she looked like the before picture.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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