If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We are two peas in an std pod
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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