i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
