Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
