I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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