I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
