The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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