We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
