I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
