hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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