Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
