Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
