Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
