Buhtt sex?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
