i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
