I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
