omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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