I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
