3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize