Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
