question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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