He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
