Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
