I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
