I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize