i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
