She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
