Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
