never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
