but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I love you. Go after that dick
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
