Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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