it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
there is glitter all over my balls
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
