u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
