Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
