there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
