I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
