4 words: hood of his car
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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