Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
