Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
