the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize