Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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