I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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