So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
