I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
