So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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