the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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