i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
