Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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