I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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