So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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