how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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