I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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