Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
