if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm going to jail i love you
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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