Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
