i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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