Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
