So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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