I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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