Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
