if only i could text you this smell
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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