Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
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